It is just so hard to really believe that I have come to the end of the board. It is time to take a leap and hold firm to the faith that a net will appear.
We finished the last of our sports portraits and school photos last week. A lot of my identity has seemed tied to what I do for a living. I know this is a false assumption yet cling to it none the less.
I remember the words from my dad shortly after he retired. How he shared that he had been someone who people came to for advice and help with their cameras. After retirement, he sorely missed being called on for his opinion any longer.
Hence I am filled with fear of the same. You notice that my feet are not so close to the edge of the board. I like to use the excuse that it was because I had almost 10K$ of camera equipment around my neck, but there is a deeper issue. The fear of having to work to redefine myself, my calling, my passion.
I do look forward (ok, I am tiring to convince myself) to not having to make any more photos of kids holding some kind of a football,volleyball, baseball, softball, basketball, tennis ball, golf ball, baton, hurdle, barbell, pompoms, megaphone, helmet, bat, glove, bases, mask, google, golf club, cleats or swim fins. But I will miss hearing some youngster telling me his mother or dad told me to tell me hello, that I did their photos years ago when they were in high school, jr high or elementary school.
So here I stand at the end of the board. Listen for the splash….monos en theos…†…jim