Shades of Gray from Grayson Co, TX #799 – & 1 more flyies away!

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Rest in peace my fellow flyer, no more black dog after you.

Hope you get a seat up front.

I am lifted that at least I know money and fame are not the answer.

Sadden by our lost.

Prayers to Robin Williams wife, family, close friends and those who knew but couldn’t help.

Monos en theos…†…jim

IMAGES OF SMALL THINGS FROM THE BIGGEST COUNTY IN TEXAS #594 – 2 empty Chairs once again appear.

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For one reason or another we changed our walking route yesterday. I don’t know exactly why. We all are such creatures of habit. Sometimes we do things because that is the way we always do them.

In the midst of nowhere, there appeared to me two empty chairs. This being the second time I have stopped to take notice of a pair of misplaced chairs in less than a week. I always say stuff doesn’t happen for no reason. So it sets me to trying to put together the why of encounters of two chairs? One abandoned chair seems to need no explanation, but two somehow needs some applied reasoning.

I can fill the chairs with all kinds of empty logic. I seem to always find them when I am walking with “the black dog”. I see the emptiness of the holes in my life, the disappointment I bring when I don’t fulfill my self expectations, I am used to that. What pains me the most is how I feel that I let those down that are so close to me. I see how I feel that I am sitting alone and do not share my pain. I can see how the bottom has fallen out of the chair. How will it hold me up ? How far can I fall, not too far, the chair is very close to the ground.

Peace out ††† en theos ††† jimwork

IMAGES OF SMALL THINGS FROM THE BIGGEST COUNTY IN TEXAS #589 – some days your blooms wither and you recede to the corner

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The last time we were in New Mexico, we found this bloom radiant, full of life and beauty. This trip it was withdrawn, subcoming to the cooler evenings. A cool has blown in here today and I much like the bloom have withered somewhat and am shrinking into myself and seeking a corner in hopes of finding  protection from the coming change.

The dark dog barks and cries for attention…..en theos ††† jimwork

Images of small things from the biggest county in Texas #520 – New growth is most always green.

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Green is the prime color of the world, and that from which its loveliness arises.”
Pedro Calderon de la Barca
I know this, but I sometimes get so green with envy over all of those who do not have the “black dog” that follows me.  No matter how many times you throw rocks, yell, scream, pray, meditate and medicate he only goes a short distance away. He hangs in the shadows and returns to bite your butt when you least expect it.

There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. ††† en theos jim work

Photographs from Southwest Texas #502 – In your face close up of a small Painted Lady butterfly.

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We are on our fifth day of overcast and unseasonably cool-damp weather. It certainly is not helping that “black dog” that follows me.

I feel a little like Paul (the apostle, not the beetle)  “…So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh…” 2 Corinthians 12:7. We never are told what Paul’s “thorn” is, so we get to fill in the blank with whatever affliction that fits our need. For today I choose that Paul also suffered from depression.

While the damp and lack of sun has slowed me down, the one brite spot I have found is that it also slows down the insects. At least this allows a much closer approach with the ones you  do find out and about.

I feel for the folks up in the northeast with the heat wave they are enduring. But, I for one am indeed ready for our return to the heat and the sun. Even if it makes the stalking for bugs a little more challenging.

I need to see my shadow outside my body rather than inside ††† en theos ††† jlawrence

Photos on the journey #461

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Okay, I enjoy a walk as much as the next guy. But as a man who fights depression and anxiety, I have to be mindful of ruminating, and it is one of my biggest battles. I often replay a baseball pitch from a little league baseball game from 50 years ago. Still trying to hit that ball out of the park in the big game, bottom of the last inning, two out, and bases loaded. The mighty Casey hits a long fly-out to end the game. How many times I have replayed it trying to hit that damn ball out of the park.

So walking is one of my ways of staying away from falling into the rumination pit. It works. And then I come around a corner and find myself walking along side a building that is just full of things I could get stuck chewing on for hours. Makes me feel like a am walking in a nightmare.

So what did you get stuck on today ? pezfulezfeelin’@U ††† en theos ††† jlawrence

Photos on the journey #452

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Things are not always as they appear. This is an image taken at night with a full moon veiled by a thin layer of high clouds. Another one of those times that things do not evolve as you planned.

Life flows that way. I never planned to have so many days of  “melancholy”  (the Freudian polite word for depression) at this station of my life. Yet the clouds continue to form and obscure.

Holding tight and fast to Toby Mac’s promising words:

“So, baby, hold on Just another day or two I can see the clouds are moving faster now And the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on To the one that’s holding you There is nothing that can stop this crazy Love from breaking through.”

Seems like I have been holding on to different songs lyrics for most of my life. I keep repeating them, trying hard to turn them into reality.
Peace out ††† en theos ††† jlawrence